Today was my second chemo treatment. One of my good friends brought me and we stopped at Ihop for breakfast. I have been struggling to eat, everything still tastes like metal – especially beverages – but I can sort of taste the food and enjoyed (as much as I could) some pancakes and eggs.
We stopped at 7/11 so I could get a Diet Dr. Pepper, but I realized about a minute after I bought it that it tasted like metal, so no Diet Dr. Pepper for me.
Now that I’ve lost my hair and am wearing a head scarf, I hate walking into my oncologists office. I look around and I feel so … YOUNG. The other patients look at me with a sort of pity in their eye and it hurts my heart. Then, I saw someone around my age walk in, I thought to myself “It’s ok. Other young people get cancer.” But it turned out that they were only there to sit with their mother while she had treatment. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy that the young person didn’t have cancer – I don’t want anyone to have cancer – but it just made me feel that much worse.
Thankfully my friend was there and I was able to laugh and talk about everything else to keep the tears from falling from eyes. This just sucks and I’m full of self-pity, but I will put on a fake smile and get through this.
They finally call me back to get my blood work done and speak with my oncologist. I was so sick after my last round and I explain that I felt like I wanted to die – I was so nauseas and everything tasted like metal, I got mouth sores and was just miserable. He decided that I should come back tomorrow for about 4-5 hours of fluids and anti-nausea medicine, especially since I am having such a hard time drinking. He said that if after this round if I still get so sick that we’ll consider adjusting my dosage because I am getting such a strong, aggressive treatment, but before making adjustments he wants to see if the fluids will work.
Then, it’s time to go back for my treatment. They gave us a private room – which is good – sometimes I can be loud; my voice just carries. We laughed, talked about football, life, joked … it was really great. I am so thankful that my friend Jina was able to come with me. I feel so horrible for people who have to come alone. I guess some people may WANT to come alone, but for others who don’t have anyone – I feel really bad. You’re voluntarily being hooked up to a machine that is literally pumping poison into your veins for hours – I don’t care who you are…that just messes with you.
Prayerfully, the fluids and anti-nausea IV will work and I don’t get as sick this time.