I would be a damn liar if I said that I haven’t been stressed, preoccupied, and scared shitless the past few weeks waiting for this first screening since finishing chemo 3 months ago.
Three months … That’s it. Honestly, it feels like a lifetime ago, but also like it was just yesterday that I was so sick and in so much pain that I could hardly walk.
I didn’t really tell many people that I was seeing my oncologist today, but the few I did tell told me I’d be fine. I thought the same thing around this time last year, I convinced myself that it was nothing, stopped worrying and stressing so it made getting my breast cancer diagnosis that much more devastating, if that’s even possible.
I told my colleagues that I am “prayerfully practical,” meaning I wasn’t going to speak a recurrence into existence, but I had to be practical…prepared, incase it did come back.
I went to my oncologist’s new facility, closer to home and completely modernized and joked with the nurses about my “crappy accommodations” when I was going through chemo. We laughed and caught up while I waited to be called back to see Dr. Sun.
I was just coming from work, so I had my wig on. I’m comfortable not wearing a wig around my city and out and about, but I’m having a hard time being able to go to work without it. Although I work for the same company, I recently began working at a new client site and I don’t know many of the people and I don’t really want people asking questions. Also, it’s cold, so my wig is like a stylish hat – LOL. But honestly, I’m not ready yet and that’s OK. When I’m comfortable I’ll leave the wig at home.
My nurses loved the wig, they only saw me with head wraps and scarfs on and VERY sick. They asked if my hair was coming back and I told them it was, and joked how relieved I am that it’s not completely gray because everyone stresses me out.
I finally got called back and put my pink paper top on and waited for Dr. Sun.
Once he came we chatted, I made jokes and he told me he loved when I came in because I am always positive and telling jokes. I agreed that that positive attitude and many, many prayers is what helped me beat cancer and get through chemo.
We spoke about my reconstruction, port removal and hysterectomy … All surgeries that need to be scheduled – at least the port removal and reconstruction can be done at the same time, so there’s that.
He then checked me out and I’m ecstatic to report – my cancer is still in remission! He also cleared me to have my surgeries. Now, it’s just up to the surgeons.
I’m meeting with my plastic surgeon tomorrow for a consult on my breast reconstruction since my body rejected the expanders, we need to figure out how he’s going to rebuild my breasts from scratch. I don’t want to stress that surgery, right now I want to remain blessed and blissful that I’m still cancer free!