I am finally breaking out of my rut. I’ve been stuck for the past year, my mood has gone up and down, but mostly down. The hopeless feeling of having breast cancer, the mastectomy, the failed first attempt at reconstruction, the misery I felt for months of chemo, loneliness and isolation … everything was just a downward spiral and I was in such a bad place.
I decided that it was finally time to take life by the reigns … after all, God gave me a second chance and here I was just wasting it, sitting around being sad all the time … and admittedly, feeling extremely bad for myself (pity party – table for one, please!). I realized that I was giving other people control over the way I felt. How odd is that … who are these people? Do they pay my bills? Care for my son? Play a significant role in my life? The answer to all of those questions is “NO!” Yet, here I was handing over my happiness …
When you’re deep in the throes of depression, it’s hard to think logically, which is a bit annoying, because I’m a very logical person, but I did lose myself … temporarily.
I started with deciding to recommit myself to ME. I wrote a blog and outlined some goals, writing it down definitely helped! And since writing that blog two-weeks ago I have lost 5.2 lbs., I started reading a book called “Hardcore Self Help: F*ck Depression,” I purchased a Garmin VivoSmart to keep track of my activity throughout the day, which I linked to My Fitness Pal, which is where I log all of the food I eat, I exercise every day, I read my daily affirmation, and journal about my day or whatever may be on my mind or bothering me before bed, which is helping me sleep better. I went with my BFF to a specialized running store and got fitted for actual running shoes that fit my feet perfectly and help with the plantar fasciitis pain.
Finally, mentally I feel great – happy. There are some days that I start to feel like I’m getting sucked back down and I start to talk myself out of what I know will make me happy – EXERCISE – and then I implement some of the strategies that I’m learning in my hardcore self-help book – ignoring that negative self-talk and just DOING IT! It is hard to get moving, but once I get started, I feel so much better!
I’m getting my mind back, I was getting so forgetful, I felt like I was losing my mind (chemo brain), admittedly, I still do forget things and have a bit of a hard time concentrating, but it’s getting better every day. I have started a new exercise regime called “From Couch to 5K” that will get me running again. I am meal planning and making healthy choices – and even on my “cheat meals” I try to be very cognizant of what I’m eating so I don’t undo all the work I’ve been putting in. I am even helping my friend write a book … I have a bunch of notes and information to go off of, and this weekend I plan to sit down and get started!
I am a long way from where I NEED to be, but I am taking steps to get there. I let cancer control my life for a year … now, I BEAT BREAST CANCER – I SURVIVED – and I will be damned if I cry away my second chance!